I remember not too long ago, I was at a conference and it said something that went home for me.
It went along the lines of, “Are you going to let a four-year-old run your life?”
This isn’t parenting 101, but it can be.
You see, we all learn something from our childhood experiences—including negative ones that led to traumas.
The thing is, if we don’t deal with them, we can be 30, 40, 50, 60 years old and full of wisdom, but still not know why we get triggered by what other people do or say to us.
Have you ever been triggered?
I thought about a couple of experiences I had when I was pretty early in my surgical career and had some not so pleasant interactions with colleagues who were questioning me.
And because I came from a patriarchal home where my opinion never mattered, I was always really defensive when my colleagues would challenge me.
At that time, I didn’t see it as a challenge. I saw it as a conflict that reminded me of how people in my family interacted.
So I would lash out and get triggered.
“Are you going to be a four-year-old for the rest of your life?” the leader of that conference asked.
I always say that change starts with awareness.
And to be free from our subconscious programming, we need to be present so we can recognize the past that’s coming in, name it, and put it together in a different way.
My friend and colleague Deirdre Fay shares how we can do that in today’s episode of The Best of The Menopause Movement podcast.
Deirdre Fay works with people who have crummy histories to develop an inner platform for success to get their needs met for life. With decades of experience as a psychotherapist and educator, Deirdre brings together modern neurobiology and ancient wisdom into a practice in what she calls becoming safely embodied.
During the podcast we talk about how to listen to yourself, what emotions really are PLUS:
• Internal versus external signals
• Anxiety versus excitement and possibility
• Separating the past from the present
• What is shame?
• The seven foundational attachment needs
• The role practice plays in success
• The 17 second nervous system cycle
• What to do to keep that alive and present feeling between therapy sessions
And stay to the end to discover some practical tips to get out of overwhelm.
• Check my latest podcast or listen to the previous ones (https://www.menopausemovement.com/podcast)
• Connect with me on Instagram @drmichellegordon
• Follow me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/drmichellegordon
• Check out my LinkedIn posts (https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmichellegordon/)
• Visit Deirdre Fay’s website (https://dfay.com/)
• Reach out to Deirdre Fay through email (firstname.lastname@example.org)
• You can also follow Deirdre Fay on her social media channels:
Books mentioned in this episode:
• Becoming Safely Embodied: A Guide to Organize Your Mind, Body and Heart to Feel Secure in the World https://amzn.to/2O2Wzf4
• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://amzn.to/3c3TpQb
Amazon pays me a small fee when you buy using these links.
What’s Discussed in This Episode:
[0:00] Introduction and opportunity
[2:51] Deirdre Fay talks about her book
[3:08] What does it mean to become safely embodied?
[6:17] What are emotions for?
[8:04] How to listen to yourself
[11:18] What causes difficulty in healing and recognizing trauma?
[14:51] Reasons we experience shame
[15:39] 7 foundational attachment needs
[19:44] The lens we see and perceive the world with
[21:19] Understanding triggers
[23:59] Practical tips to help when your parents trigger you
[28:06] The role of practice in success
[28:42] The soothing rhythm breath
[29:57] The 17-second cycle
[33:00] Working on triggers, trauma, pains between therapy
[36:32] How to feel alive all the time (not just during therapy)
[41:32] Skills to do daily to get better faster
[43:40] Deirdre shares final takeaways
About the Guest:
Deirdre Fay works with people who have crummy histories to develop an inner platform for success to get their needs met for life. With decades of experience as a psychotherapist and educator, Deirdre brings together modern neurobiology and ancient wisdom into a practice of what she calls “becoming safely embodied.” She also wrote the book Becoming Safely Embodied: A Guide to Organize Your Mind, Body and Heart to Feel Secure in the World.
Deidre’s message resonates deeply with those who may look successful on the surface, but internally they may be plagued with shame, anxiety, distress, depression, and they’re wondering why they’re stuck in these repeating patterns. Experts in the field have described her practical methods as a “radically positive approach to healing trauma” and a way for people to “get better faster.”